Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
