they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
