I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So many bounce houses so little time
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
