oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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