so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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