I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize