There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
