Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
