I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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