I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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