Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
