she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
