i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
