Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We were destined to go to rehab together
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
