I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Please don't give away my fajitas
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
