Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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