Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
