I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
