She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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