omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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