I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize