I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
