There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
