DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
