and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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