Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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