dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
