I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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