my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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