Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
