My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
