Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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