I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
