she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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