i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
