I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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