Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
