I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
there is puke in my bra ... again
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