Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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