Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
