Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
