i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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