If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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