hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
