How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
