Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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