New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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