Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
