im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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