I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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