brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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