He kissed a someone with a penis
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He passed out mid-signature
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
