honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
