My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
