So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
