Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
