life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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