Are we in a gay sports bar?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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