tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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