you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
