Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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