Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
