That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
