I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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