I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm lost and stupid without you.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
