How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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