How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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