did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
