so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
