you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
