Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
