I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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